So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
