I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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