You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
