It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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