they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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