I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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