her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
