hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
