you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
