so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
