Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
