Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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