I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
