My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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