I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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