I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
