can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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