dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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