I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
