I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
