Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
