i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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