The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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