U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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