at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
