I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
