Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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