I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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