I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
