I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
