I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
