i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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