Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
