I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
