I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
God I need to hump something, right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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