Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
