i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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