I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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