I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
