I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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