just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
