spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
