I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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