i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
