Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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