can u get pink eye on your cock?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize