One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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