Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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