I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
