i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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