I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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