My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
