apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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