I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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