that's an acceptable place to lick
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
