he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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