"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
